Sunday, November 12, 2006 4:13 pm  <|>
<255> Think Like Yourself: Everyday brings something new, even when things never really seem to happen. We might not be changing rapidly with every passing day, yet we are constantly changing all the same. Looking back at yourself 5 years ago or 5 minutes, yes you'll notice it matters, but in the end we are a constantly moving organism... every one of us. We change our clothes, our minds, our values... at a whim and then some. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing. It leaves us open - open to know what is really out there and not be afraid to change when the need arrises. I remember early writtens to myself talking about my fear of change. It was especially at a time when I hadn't yet left home and had not yet experienced... well, most of my life! But sitting there then, typing or writing as I may have been, I couldn't have known what lay ahead, not anymore than I do now for my own future, but I still keep going because it's what I can imagine that makes me want to flip the page and see just what happens.

Sometimes it's easy to forget what you were like in the past. Some of us change so often we can't keep track of ourselves... it's hard. But looking back, as I said, it's interesting... I do this in many ways, but one exists in the way that I've documented myself online for the past 10 years of my life. Even before that I did so in written journals. At the time it was not done for the sole purpose of looking back later, afterall, my mindset then probably kept me far from wondering out just this far into my lifespan... at least in any kind of detail. But yet, here I am, and looking back is what I am doing. I'm finding it to be a learning experience and a gained curve that anyone who has access to such self-knowledge should not ignore. There is a lot you can learn about yourself from yourself, as cheesy as that sounds. I've come to have taken on this 'wisdom' aspect of myself to some of my friends - maybe because of all I've been through that has led up to this point in my life, I don't know.... maybe it is for a number of reasons... regardless I do feel like I have something to offer once in awhile.. so I don't really mind it (mind you I'm not trying to sound conceded) but I do think you gain certain insight after going around a block or two of life, maybe throw in a run close to death, or a devestating disease and like magic, you are supposed to have more answers than most. Funny thing is, sometimes (for some things) this turns out to be true.

So what am I really babbling about? I don't really know - I just know that things right now seem to be going pretty well. I feel like I have control - more than I'm used to - and with this comes the inner fear that you could lose it at any moment too. Of course I refuse to let this drive me, but that doesn't really matter. I used to feel almost always like there wasn't enough time in the day, yet now I find unless I feel a little lack in the amount of time I'm given, I just get lazy or rather, I fail to become motivated to the point that I would like. This is true in work, in art, in life. What we need to do is stay inspired and this is a challenge always, especially for artists.

Note all the above posting was recently published but written as posted above. Sorry about that! A new post will follow very soon!