Wednesday, May 18, 2005  12:18 pm  <|>
<217> Laid Back: Here we are again. Welcome to the next chapter in the crazy life of Megan Miller... I have yet another development to tilt the daily balance (or should I say lack thereof?). On Monday, even though I had returned last week to work, an issue arose concerning my time missed. It turns out I'm one day over our allowed sick/vacation time due to my illness and hospital stay (not yet considering that I worked 2.5 days worth while IN the hospital). Months ago I brought this concern up, but was told not to worry and that it would not be a problem, with the impression that I could always take days unpaid, which while not ideal to have less money, would seem as fair as possible to both me and the company. Well, now all of a sudden when it comes down to it, that's "not their policy" to let me take any time unpaid. Now the fact that I have doctor appointments a couple times a month (which has gone on since I started working here last March and was agreed to not be a problem upon being hired) seems to be an issue too. I would understand if I was really behind on my work here or something, but I'm not. I even stayed accessible to help as much as I could when I knew I had to be out for a week, plus that's not something that happens all the time (and if it were to happen again sure I understand their concern about the possibility, but if I'm sick enough to have to worry about something further than I doubt I'll be too concerned with job issues).

I've just never felt so unappreciated in any position or professional relationship in my life. It's amazing how people are treated when they have an illness. You would think there would be laws protecting against this, but in this case my company slips under the detector due to our downsizing last year. Considering the job I do is not one that can just be picked up by anyone (the skills many have, but it takes a lot of experience in this role to pick up what this particular department needs and even over a year into it I'm still trying to straighten things out). I don't for a second think that I cannot be replaced, probably with someone even better - but I do know that the time it would take to find that person is most likely longer than my two weeks required notice at some future date, and certainly even that amount of time in full would not be enough time to train someone to where they need to be at to take over this job. So I really don't know what they'd do if I was let go tomorrow or decided to leave... but basically they are leaving me very little choice in the matter now.

If I stay here for now, I'm on this edge every single day that if for some reason I need to go home sick or wake up feeling really terrible or need to have a test done or anything for my health, I need to make some grand decision about if I want to lose my job that day. I can't go on day to day with that in the back of my head - I'm sorry that just doesn't go over well with me. And I can't let myself stay at a place that would do that to their employees. I have enough problems to worry about, I certainly don't need more, but I'm trying not to stress out about it. Of course I feel really betrayed by it, of course I'm worried about what happens if I get sick in any way again, of course I don't fully know what I will do about lesser paychecks or paying high rates for health insurance if I am let go over this and can't get another job for a month or so... but time will still come and pass and I'll still have to make it out of things somehow, it might not all be pleasant or stress free, but that's just how it is. It just has to be done.

So that all news isn't bad news in this post, I will update on more positive notes. The IV meds that I finished up last week seem to have worked - as my final numbers when leaving the hospital showed improvement. Hopefully checking my results this week on Friday will still show that to be the case. At first I was feeling really tired after getting out of the hospital (which is understandable sure) but it was partly due to lower some of my medications, one of which I've been on since I was 14 at various levels. I had them raise it back up a little bit at last Friday's appointment so while they want it to be brought back down eventually, they agreed with me that it might have been too much of a drop too quickly that they tried at first. So I'm still not full of energy, my legs get really tired when walking and such, but I've noticed an improvement in the last two days. I even started riding my bike again!

Speaking of my bike, it's going to prove to me very useful so I'm glad my test riding of it a lot yesterday went pretty well. Dan and I rode over to our new place and then made 3 trips back and forth with my car to move a bunch of packed boxes and things. Concetta helped us a lot and that's because she rocks. Concetta is also graduating today, yeah for her she finally joins the rest of us!!! ;) ;) Dan's sister Becky, my friends Femi and Chris, as well as others I know are all graduating today also, so yeah for them as well! I will be attending their graduation and then going to dinner with Dan and his family. Fun, but busy, evening ahead!

To top all this off, I'm going at midnight tonight to see Star Wars Episode III. Yes, I know I'm a nerd, but I saw the others at midnight, might as well pull this one off too. Dan and my mom are going with me. I think I'm going to see it again on Monday with friends. It's 2.5 hours long... it better be good!

The rest of the week is quite busy. Thursday night I'm going to see Butch Walker at the TLA. Friday the movers are coming to move all our big/heavy stuff to our new place (though that takes place before I get out of work so Dan is taking off to handle that), then Saturday is the most packed with the Artists of 1801 Show, headed by one of my best friends Jon. They are having a open studio and show for their artist collective, including a cook out, film screening, and jam session. It seems like it's really going to be big. I'm excited for him. So I'll be there to support him at the start of that, but then I'll be going to my brother's fiance's graduation party. She just got her Master's in Nursing. So yeah that's a lot of stuff and there is probably even more in their that I didn't even mention!

Amazingly enough I still still somewhat laid back amongst all of this. Even with the packing and moving, which by default has to be a little stressful - we moved a bunch of stuff yesterday but you look around and wonder if you moved anything - haha. But, like I said, you can't freak out about it. It will get done as long as you keep at it and do what you can manage as you can manage it. Sure, things won't go along as smoothly as we would like I'm sure, but we have to be out by the end of the month, so we will be. It's as simple as that. The only parts I'm worried about are our carpets and heavy furniture... anything I can move myself in my little Saturn Coupe - while maybe more difficult - can be done basically anytime next week. I do know this though, I could never get it done without my dear friends. If I didn't have them, then I probably would be freaking out a bit more. I only wish I could help the ones who help me with things like this more, but the reason I can't as much just as I can't move myself too well is because I can barely move any of the boxes. I try to help a little with whatever is light enough to manage, but I'm not really supposed to use my left arm much (from my surgery for dialysis a couple of years ago) so it presents a problem with things like moving.

Some day things will change. In fact, I feel one of those moves of change coming now, but it's not the usual feeling like it's natural, it's more like it's being forced... forced because while moving into a better place, it is not completely because we wanted to and it will cost more money, forced to look for a new job even though I wanted one soon anyway because I might not have my other one soon, forced to reconsider everything surrounding my health since the path I'm on now might not be the best, forced to see less of certain people around me soon because graduation takes place and it's that time of year... it all changes the feeling, but maybe it doesn't matter for the result. There is a lot more change that could use some taking place if you ask me... but it's all coming either way, so I'm just going to deal with it as I can.