Wednesday, March 30, 2005  2:09 pm  <|>
<214> Big Decisions: "An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion..." That is Newton's first law of motion and your first lesson in physics for this year probably :)

I'm trying to put myself into motion... I think. Well really, I'm trying to put myself in a place in which I will be forced to do what I already want to do, with as little chance of getting thrown off course as possible. And while I believe that much of life is about those paths you take while being thrown off course, I think you still have to start out with some kind of a map.

So for me right now, this means some big decisions for me to make. I very recently found a school called the TransArt Institute . It is a low-residency program for two years which results in a MFA in New Media. Low-residency means you work mainly off-site during those two years, on a series of art/research projects and papers. It's also designed for working professionals, with about 20 hours a week needed to devote to schoolwork (so that people can still work regular jobs at same time). It's basically a big independent study, with mentors that follow you in addition to the faculty which you select from the professional or academic world. The only on-site requirement is three "intense" residencies on campus for the beginning, middle, and end of the program, for 15-18 days each... in AUSTRIA! Yes, Austria.... well, sure, why not?

Really though, this grad program seems almost perfect for me. I wouldn't have to move or worry about relocating Dan and myself someplace that we were both happy with. I wouldn't have to worry about surviving with no regular paychecks, let alone that I need to have constant health insurance. And I was hoping to take on doing a couple new projects a year anyway... why not do so with all kinds of added contacts, resources, and feedback plus get credit and a degree for it in the process? The early admissions deadline is on April 15th, so I don't have a ton of time, but really I shouldn't need that much for the application. I need to revamp my portfolio and write a better CV, plus a few other things. And the regular submission deadline isn't until June 15th, but I'd want to go for the early so that I'm not left with only a month to plan a trip to Austria if I get accepted.

There are two main things that make me hesitant to go right for this. One, the traveling - especially the fact that the first of these would be July 25th - August 12th. One, I'd need to take off work, which normally it could fall into regular vacation time, but because of being sick in the beginning of the year I'm already out of paid sick days and my vacation I need to use in October already for Dan's sister's wedding in England. I'm pretty sure that could be worked out though, cause I'm sure I could take some of it unpaid, but then that presents the problem of not having any money. Which brings us to reason number two - the money. I don't really have any and I certainly don't have any saved up to go travel within my own country let alone some other ones. The tuition is about $5,000 a semester, so a little over $20,000 total. That could be taken out in a loan though specifically available because I'd be approaching grad school at a full time status (which I have to double check actually and make sure it still applies for a low-residency program - it certainly should). But the traveling... down the line even to save some to put aside for traveling to the residencies and everything... there is no way I will have that money just lying around by July!

Now I try to keep myself from letting money play too much of an issue. I mean, I always have to say "it's just money" but it does hold people back sometimes and influence, even force, their choices. I hate that, especially after all the things I've been through thus far. I just don't like to accept that as an excuse for not making something you want happen... but I also know you have to be realistic about it. I just took on a new apartment, err well I will be come May 1st, and I will be spending more money per month on things like rent, plus gas and things now having my car in the city. I'm not sure what that's going to feel like each month against the monthly paychecks quite yet and I won't have much of an adjustment period before I'd need to be planning this trip overseas. Not having savings anymore sucks... it really does. I used to keep a lot around for a rainy day, the fact is it just rained a lot in the last couple of years... even though much of it turned out well in the end.

I've talked with Dan and my friends about all of this of course. I've also talked to my parents and emailed some contacts and former professors about their thoughts on this opportunity as well. The general consensus is that I should definitely apply - hey I can always choose not to accept I suppose. So at this point that is what I think I'm going to do. No matter what it's a good reason to revamp the way I present myself and my work and if I don't get in or I decide to wait a year to start, that should be ok too. I worry about the latter because my field and interests (digital culture) change so rapidly even from month to month, that a year from now I'm just afraid I will have missed my chance to approach it the way I wanted. But I don't know. I'm constantly thinking about it, but all the while I've been sure I've wanted to do it pretty much the whole time. Like I said, all that holds me back is wondering at how I'm going to pay for it or get to Austria in a couple months. So I'm going with the flow... seeing what happens and keeping my research and options open. If any of you have any advice you'd like to offer up, now is the time. I'm all ears! ;)